Emotional Craziness

These past couple of days I’ve been an emotional loose cannon. It started Thursday night as I was trying to finish up a baby quilt for my friends K & J’s baby shower on Sunday. I kept hitting snags in the project and then I would figure it out the current problem only to run into another.

Friday was a beautiful, sunny day. However, I was under a cloud. I’m not sure why, but I kept obsessing about the quilt and how I’m never going to be making a baby quilt for us, but always for other people’s babies. To date I’ve made 5 baby quilts… all for other people. During this time period that I’ve made the 5 quilts we were ttc. The first quilt was at the beginning of our saga way back in 2000. I also found out about a distant girlfriend’s pg on Friday before work. I was also concerned that I would not be able to handle (emotionally) the baby shower on Sunday and all the baby paraphernalia and talk. I was moping and sad. After work DH had planned a date night for us. He worked from home, so I picked him up and we headed over to the craft store where I helped my friend B with her wedding invitations. I think we’ve got them all figured out now, which is great. DH wandered over to another store and then for a coffee during this time that I was in the craft store. I called him to let him know I was done and we met back at the car. He then tells me he got me a present. He handed me a small white box. I opened it up and inside was a freshwater pearl pendant. He tells me that at the new age bookstore he was at he asked them what stones would help with infertility and that they recommended a freshwater pearl, especially if you’ve been ttc for a while. I was speechless and then close to weeping. He is so thoughtful. It cheered me up immensely. We then went to see the new Star Trek movie in IMAX. It was so much fun! DH isn’t a Star Trek fan, but I am so it was especially nice that he took me to see it. We then went to dinner, and he proposed a toast to us and our good fortune and fertility. What an amazing husband I have! We returned home after dinner, and I then struggled yet again with finishing the quilt. DH was patient and encouraging through the whole night.

Saturday was another beautiful, sunny day. It started out ok. DH made us breakfast and then cleaned up the kitchen, made a menu for the upcoming week and made the grocery list while I finished the hand-sewing portion of the quilt. I finished the quilt and threw it in the washing machine, and we got cleaned up and went shopping and to lunch. We got home and I moved the quilt to the dryer, and we lounged around a bit and watched some TV. The dryer stopped and I checked the quilt- it was a mess. The fabric on the back and shed all over the quilt and there was a tear. I was in tears. DH tried to suggest ways to fix it, but I didn’t think it could be fixed. As a last-ditch effort I tried to hand sew it and washed it and dried it again. While it was in the dryer DH and I headed to Babies R Us to pick up an alternate gift in case the quilt was beyond repair. Babies R Us was like heading into hell for me in my current state of mind. PG bellies everywhere… including the checkout clerk. We found a gift and got in line. The woman in front of us is buying out the whole store (or so it seems) and telling the clerk about how she’s getting all this preemie stuff for her daughter’s baby. The clerk then spouts off some insensitive stuff which makes me even more pissed off. We finally get our chance to buy and head out of the store. We make it home and the quilt seems to be ok. I stressed all night if I should give it to the mama’s but decided to give it to them and hope that they like it.

Sunday. Today. I woke up in a pretty good mood and was hopeful that the baby shower would be manageable. The last time I was at a baby shower was for a good friend at church and it was very difficult. It was during the time period when we were doing IUI’s at VM. I wrapped the gift and left for the shower. I arrived right on time and was so happy to see my friends. Luckily, I was able to keep busy and help set up the food. Then there was some down time, and I caught up with some people there that I hadn’t seen since my friends’ wedding. I think I did pretty good. I didn’t burst into tears and only had a couple of moments of difficulty. My girlfriends loved the quilt, so that is a relief. I left the party in a good mood. I’m so happy for my friends and they are so deserving of this baby. I know that they will be good mama’s, and I hope that I can continue being in their lives and be a support to them. I’m glad I was able to get through the shower and not be an emotional wreck. I hope that this next week is much better emotionally for me.