My church is great. I love it. One thing that is/has been hard is that it is so family focused. Hubby doesn't attend with me, which isolates me and makes me different from every other couple that attends. Also, we were the only married couple in the congregation without children and had been the only ones for years. However, I've been able to make some friends through my church job of working with the kids. I also go to a church sponsored quilt group. I'm the type of person that has a few very close friends and I'm fine with that. I'm friendly with everyone, but only close with a small select group.
Anyway, now that we are expecting it seems like I'm being inducted into the "club." The fertile club. I can't tell you how many people that normally smile and don't even stop to say "hi" at church are now stopping me to chat about the babies, give advice or stranger still- give me hugs. I'm trying to accept the attention and love/support that they are giving me and our family and be gracious about it. HOWEVER, it seems really crappy to me that only now that we are having children, they are including us. This week alone we have two dinner invitations and a family bringing dinner over to us. I keep trying to focus on the good and not look back, but it's incredibly difficult. Infertility will always be a part of me. There were many, many, many Sundays when it was painful to be at church surrounded by families. During those hard times there were very few (I can count them on one hand) people that would stop and talk to me or offer support of any kind. Granted I'm a very private person and we didn't disclose our infertility or treatment struggles with those at church, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't have liked someone to say "hi" or invite us to dinner. These are women and men that I've known for years (we've been in this area 10 years) and yet only now have they extended a hand of friendship. I don't know how to react. I guess for now I'll go with the flow and take them up on their offers of friendship, if nothing else for my kiddos sakes. But I wonder how true of a friendship it can be if it's only based on the fact that I am now able to reproduce.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Multiples Birthing Class
We attended a multiples birthing class offered by our hospital over the weekend. It was great. The instructor was very informative and gave us all the information in hand outs as well so that if anything was forgotten (pg brain!) you can review it later. The class was small, only 5 couples, compared to the regular birthing class next door that had a packed house. Most of the couples were within a few weeks' gestation of us, so it was nice to compare notes etc. I'm feeling much calmer and more relaxed after the class. I was able to get a lot of my questions about the multiple birthing experience answered as well as questions regarding the hospitals policies. She covered a lot of breast-feeding info and I'm feeling good about that too. I think we will sign up for the "Day about Baby" class and the breast-feeding class offered at the hospital too. I ended up canceling our class for this upcoming weekend- "Bringing Baby Home" because of the class length. The birthing class was 3 hours on Saturday and 3 hours on Sunday. The BBH class is 7 hours on Saturday and 7 hours on Sunday. There is NO WAY I could sit that long. I'm hoping I can find a BBH class in the area that isn't over 2 days but is broken up over a month or so.
I saw my MFM OB today and all is looking good. My boys are doing great (just checked heartbeats, fluid around them and placentas today) and my blood pressure is still low. She is going to keep me on the same meds and see me in two weeks for the anatomy scan. I also had the nurse test my at home blood pressure cuff. The reading was WAY off of the reading the nurse took, so now I am looking for a new machine for home. I'm hoping that we can return this one to the pharmacy as it was so far off.
I saw my MFM OB today and all is looking good. My boys are doing great (just checked heartbeats, fluid around them and placentas today) and my blood pressure is still low. She is going to keep me on the same meds and see me in two weeks for the anatomy scan. I also had the nurse test my at home blood pressure cuff. The reading was WAY off of the reading the nurse took, so now I am looking for a new machine for home. I'm hoping that we can return this one to the pharmacy as it was so far off.
Monday, September 6, 2010
14 years
Today is our 14th wedding anniversary. I am so blessed to be married to such a wonderful husband. I know that I've picked the right partner for me. We've been through so many ups and downs during our marriage, and he has always been there to support and love me. I'm so excited to be entering this new phase in our life with him. He's going to be an amazing dad. I love him so much.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
20w1d
Wow! I'm 20 weeks pregnant! I can't believe it! I am so grateful to have made it this far with healthy babies. I'm so blessed to have this opportunity to be pregnant and experience this time with my little ones. I am incredibly lucky that each of our IVF transfers has resulted in a pregnancy. I am overjoyed that my little guys are thriving and do so well.
Now with all that being said many things have happened this week that I need to complain a bit about. I feel bad complaining, as I am so grateful that I was able to get pregnant and this time stay pregnant, but as my therapist pointed out that doesn't mean I can't gripe a bit like other pregnant women.
My midwife's office phoned on Wednesday to let me know that they had received the report about my high blood pressure from MFM. Sharon explained to me that with this added complication I am now too high risk for them to provide my care. She told me they would be transferring my care to one of the OB's they work with in their practice. I felt like they were dumping me. :( I've been seeing these women for 10 years for well woman care and chose their group in particular based on their birth philosophies. Now I am being transferred to an OB and who knows what her practices and philosophies are regarding birth. It seems unfair that I no longer can choose my own provider because of factors out of my control ie: twins and high blood pressure. I know (logically in my non-emotional part of my brain) that this is the safest option for me and my babies, but it still is a bitter pill to swallow. She then transferred me to scheduling to transfer my scheduled appointments to the new Dr. I meet with the new Dr on the 23rd. I had one last appointment with one of the midwives on Friday. I love them so much, I was in tears telling her how frustrated I am to be shuffled to someone else. She was so sweet and understanding. She once again explained that they feel I'll get safer care with the OB and that their insurance won't actually cover them delivering me. She gave me a book about high-risk pregnancy and told me I can still call the midwives anytime for emotional support. I asked her a few questions about the OB, and she told me that she is a dedicated physician that gives 110% to her patients, but that yes- she has very different practices and philosophies from the midwives. :(
Work. I let my employers know that it was time for me to scale back and bring in the new nanny. I was hoping we could all work together to figure out a plan, but they decided the timeline and schedule without me. So.... I will be done with employment on the 16th. The new nanny starts Tuesday, and I'll have 2 days of overlap to show her the ropes. Then from Thursday through the next Thursday, I'll work afternoons and she'll work mornings (she committed to work afternoons for her current family for the next 2 weeks). It's harder letting go of this job than I thought it would be. My little 3-year-old is having an extremely hard time with it. Her parents explained that I had to rest at home to take care of the babies, but she is unhappy about that solution. Her solution is for me to lie in her bed, and she'll take care of me. How sweet is that? I have been trying to be upbeat and excited about the new nanny and telling her how much fun it is. After I say anything about the new gal, the little one will say "I only love YOU, Miss Emily." It's a hard concept for her to wrap her mind around that she can still love me and the new nanny. I hope the next 2 weeks go smoothly.
The blood pressure meds seem to be working which is great. They make me really sleepy, so I've been taking them at night right before bed. This makes waking in the night for bathroom trips tricky, as the meds also make me dizzy and lightheaded, but it is better than taking them during the day.
This week I met with two of my best friends to start planning my baby shower. I still can't believe that I'm going to have a baby shower! They are great, and they wanted me to just give my opinions on a few things. The shower is planned for the 1st week in October. My parents and grandmother will be driving up from Utah, and my sister will be driving up from Oregon for it. I'll be 24 weeks pregnant, and hopefully still just resting at home and not on bedrest or in the hospital at that point.
Today will most likely be my last day doing music with the children at church. The leaders of the children's organization know what is going on with my health and have been supportive of my leaving at any point that I feel it is right. I would love to continue doing this job, but I don't think I can do it much longer. I would rather they find someone to replace me now then have to find an emergency replacement at some point when I have to stop outings completely. I'm still planning on going to worship each week (as that is sitting) and then I'll just leave after that to rest at home instead of working with the children.
Now with all that being said many things have happened this week that I need to complain a bit about. I feel bad complaining, as I am so grateful that I was able to get pregnant and this time stay pregnant, but as my therapist pointed out that doesn't mean I can't gripe a bit like other pregnant women.
My midwife's office phoned on Wednesday to let me know that they had received the report about my high blood pressure from MFM. Sharon explained to me that with this added complication I am now too high risk for them to provide my care. She told me they would be transferring my care to one of the OB's they work with in their practice. I felt like they were dumping me. :( I've been seeing these women for 10 years for well woman care and chose their group in particular based on their birth philosophies. Now I am being transferred to an OB and who knows what her practices and philosophies are regarding birth. It seems unfair that I no longer can choose my own provider because of factors out of my control ie: twins and high blood pressure. I know (logically in my non-emotional part of my brain) that this is the safest option for me and my babies, but it still is a bitter pill to swallow. She then transferred me to scheduling to transfer my scheduled appointments to the new Dr. I meet with the new Dr on the 23rd. I had one last appointment with one of the midwives on Friday. I love them so much, I was in tears telling her how frustrated I am to be shuffled to someone else. She was so sweet and understanding. She once again explained that they feel I'll get safer care with the OB and that their insurance won't actually cover them delivering me. She gave me a book about high-risk pregnancy and told me I can still call the midwives anytime for emotional support. I asked her a few questions about the OB, and she told me that she is a dedicated physician that gives 110% to her patients, but that yes- she has very different practices and philosophies from the midwives. :(
Work. I let my employers know that it was time for me to scale back and bring in the new nanny. I was hoping we could all work together to figure out a plan, but they decided the timeline and schedule without me. So.... I will be done with employment on the 16th. The new nanny starts Tuesday, and I'll have 2 days of overlap to show her the ropes. Then from Thursday through the next Thursday, I'll work afternoons and she'll work mornings (she committed to work afternoons for her current family for the next 2 weeks). It's harder letting go of this job than I thought it would be. My little 3-year-old is having an extremely hard time with it. Her parents explained that I had to rest at home to take care of the babies, but she is unhappy about that solution. Her solution is for me to lie in her bed, and she'll take care of me. How sweet is that? I have been trying to be upbeat and excited about the new nanny and telling her how much fun it is. After I say anything about the new gal, the little one will say "I only love YOU, Miss Emily." It's a hard concept for her to wrap her mind around that she can still love me and the new nanny. I hope the next 2 weeks go smoothly.
The blood pressure meds seem to be working which is great. They make me really sleepy, so I've been taking them at night right before bed. This makes waking in the night for bathroom trips tricky, as the meds also make me dizzy and lightheaded, but it is better than taking them during the day.
This week I met with two of my best friends to start planning my baby shower. I still can't believe that I'm going to have a baby shower! They are great, and they wanted me to just give my opinions on a few things. The shower is planned for the 1st week in October. My parents and grandmother will be driving up from Utah, and my sister will be driving up from Oregon for it. I'll be 24 weeks pregnant, and hopefully still just resting at home and not on bedrest or in the hospital at that point.
Today will most likely be my last day doing music with the children at church. The leaders of the children's organization know what is going on with my health and have been supportive of my leaving at any point that I feel it is right. I would love to continue doing this job, but I don't think I can do it much longer. I would rather they find someone to replace me now then have to find an emergency replacement at some point when I have to stop outings completely. I'm still planning on going to worship each week (as that is sitting) and then I'll just leave after that to rest at home instead of working with the children.
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