Roller Coaster Day

Another - test this morning. I had acupuncture at 8 which was good. T really helped me and I felt much better after. She kept reminding me how well I've done and that all I can do now is let go. She emailed me some guided meditations to help calm my mind. The workday was ok. I called the midwife and she told me I could come in anytime I wanted for a blood test and that they would have the results back in a couple of hours. I started feeling yucky (nauseous and crampy) in the late afternoon. After work C came by and we chatted for a bit, and I saw her new wedding dress and shoes. The whole time I was talking to her I had a pit in my stomach. I think that I'm not pregnant. I had some spotting the last time I went to the bathroom about an hour ago. Now it is gone. I'm so confused. I was feeling so upbeat and happy this morning and now I'm crying. I want a beta blood test tomorrow, but at the same time I don't know if I want to know for sure that I'm not pregnant.