Anniversaries

DH and I met with the psychiatrist yesterday. I told her how I have a hard time with two particular days of the week. Thursday and Saturday. We discussed how these are anniversaries to me and even if I don't consciously remember that they are anniversaries (which I TOTALLY do right now) that my body recognizes them as such. With that said....

It's been 1 month since I started bleeding. It's been 4 weeks since we saw our little one's heartbeat on the ultrasound machine because we had to be seen by the RE because I was bleeding. It's been 28 days since this nightmare started. It's been a hard month.

Today was an emotionally charged and difficult day at work. Yesterday my employer's father passed away. She wasn't incredibly close to him, but still her dad is dead. She's home from work the rest of the week and maybe home next week too. She didn't have the energy to tell the girls last night. I feel sad for the family and their loss. Being in a home that is grieving (as I was today) has amplified my feelings of grief over the loss of our child. I tried to be out of the house as much as possible today with the girls to give their mom some time to do what she needs to do. I'm not sure how the girls will react. They are both so young and don't know this grandfather well at all.

I saw a movie with the kids today. The new Disney one- "The Princess and the Frog." It was cute. I enjoyed the overall message of the movie and the animation and music was nice. I did well emotionally and held it together for the movie. There was a preview before the movie that was difficult to watch. It's for a new movie coming out "Babies" that follows 4 infants in 4 areas of the world over their first year of life. I was quietly sobbing through the whole preview and the following preview. Luckily, the girls didn't notice as they were absorbed in eating their popcorn. I had prepared myself to be around kids/pregnant moms/babies today but didn't anticipate this particular preview. We were at a play area inside the mall prior to the movie and I counted no less than 9 enormous pregnant bellies. Who knows how many more were in the early stages of pregnancy.

This Saturday will be another anniversary. I would have been 10 weeks pregnant, and it will be 1 month since the D & C. I wonder when I'll stop obsessing over these weekly anniversaries.