My church is great. I love it. One thing that is/has been hard is that it is so family focused. Hubby doesn't attend with me, which isolates me and makes me different from every other couple that attends. Also, we were the only married couple in the congregation without children and had been the only ones for years. However, I've been able to make some friends through my church job of working with the kids. I also go to a church sponsored quilt group. I'm the type of person that has a few very close friends and I'm fine with that. I'm friendly with everyone, but only close with a small select group.
Anyway, now that we are expecting it seems like I'm being inducted into the "club." The fertile club. I can't tell you how many people that normally smile and don't even stop to say "hi" at church are now stopping me to chat about the babies, give advice or stranger still- give me hugs. I'm trying to accept the attention and love/support that they are giving me and our family and be gracious about it. HOWEVER, it seems really crappy to me that only now that we are having children, they are including us. This week alone we have two dinner invitations and a family bringing dinner over to us. I keep trying to focus on the good and not look back, but it's incredibly difficult. Infertility will always be a part of me. There were many, many, many Sundays when it was painful to be at church surrounded by families. During those hard times there were very few (I can count them on one hand) people that would stop and talk to me or offer support of any kind. Granted I'm a very private person and we didn't disclose our infertility or treatment struggles with those at church, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't have liked someone to say "hi" or invite us to dinner. These are women and men that I've known for years (we've been in this area 10 years) and yet only now have they extended a hand of friendship. I don't know how to react. I guess for now I'll go with the flow and take them up on their offers of friendship, if nothing else for my kiddos sakes. But I wonder how true of a friendship it can be if it's only based on the fact that I am now able to reproduce.
2 comments:
I've felt that way too.
I think part of it is that now people have something to talk about with you. They have something in common with you. They probably wanted to get to know you before but just didnt know what to say. At least that is how I am trying to think about it. hahah
BTW--isnt it weird that the babies size goes from a cantaloupe to a banana to a mango! Mangos at my grocery store are way smaller then cantaloupes!! haha
That must feel really lousy. Thanks for making me more aware of this kind of thing!
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