The other big momentous thing this weekend was that I told my employers about our upcoming IVF. This is the email I sent them:
Dear M & D,
As you know, life can throw you curve balls. N and I have been thrown one in regard to having a family. We’ve consulted with several Dr’s and found that for us to have a child we will need to use the medical procedure known as In-vitro fertilization. You may wonder why I’m telling you about such a personal issue, but this will directly impact your family and my work schedule.
Please forgive my telling you this in email, but I wanted to give you and D the opportunity to absorb this information before talking in person.
We have decided to move forward with IVF this summer. Our start date for this is July 12th. To go through a cycle of IVF I have gotten the following info from my doctor
- I will have many early morning appointments:
- 1 appointment around July 13th that will most likely be around 7:30 AM and last approximately 30 minutes.
- Then appointments either every day or every other day (about 5-7 total) approximately 3 weeks after that. These appointments will most likely be around 7:30 AM and last approximately 30-45 minutes. During this time, I would still be available to work but would have to look at slightly altering my schedule (more info below)
- After these appointments, I’ll have to take 2 days off for a surgical procedure (including recovery time) approximately around August 17th.
- 3-5 days after my surgery I’ll need to have approximately 2 weeks off. These are the approximate dates August 20th or 22nd through September 4th. During these weeks I’ll be on a combination of bed rest and lifting restrictions. At the end of the 2 weeks, I will be able to come back to work at my regular hours.
I know this is a lot of time for me to take off. As IVF is not an exact science, the dates are not exact but are estimates of how my Dr’s think I’ll respond to the medications. I could need more or less time off, or the dates may be off a bit. Additionally, the cycle could be cancelled at any point and then started up a cycle or two later.
I appreciate the fact that it is hard to find a good caregiver for your children and that you’ve been down this path before. What I would like to suggest is that for my appointment days I would come in late and then work a bit later, until 5. For the full days that I need off I would like to take them as an unpaid leave of absence. This way, you would be able to hire a temp nanny and not be double paying, and I wouldn’t have to try to make up that lost time.
I understand if you are unable to make this situation work and I will have no hard feelings if this is the end of my employment with you. I will try to make whatever you decide to do work out the best way possible for both of you and of course, the girls.
As this is a private matter, I would appreciate that it is kept private. We have told very few people in our lives and prefer to keep this within a select trusted group at this time. I know this is a huge request and I don’t expect an immediate response. Please talk about it and then hopefully we can sit down and work out all the details.
Sincerely,
E
I anxiously awaited a reply. (I sent this late on Friday night… around 10 or so.) This was their reply that I received Sunday afternoon:
E,
There is no lady more deserving than yourself to bring a child into this world; and no child (including the D sisters) more fortunate to be held in your loving, nurturing arms. We are excited for you and N and will most certainly be sharing our prayers (and perhaps a few nail-biting sessions) with you.
In all honesty, you say you appreciate how hard it is to find a good caregiver as if you have no perception of the magnitude of our admiration and the girls love for you. You are our person - we are your family - it will be our pleasure to return some of the flexibility and good will you have so generously showered upon us. Of course, we are touched by and ever grateful for your continued consideration for our best interests - even during this period when you are surely pummeled by myriad emotions concerning your own situation.
Nay shall we toss you aside like a spark plug or air filter that needs replacing. The positive and lasting impression you have graciously bestowed upon our lives makes your place in our family just that. No worries at all about work schedule or having to try to make up time - your emotional, physical, and spiritual wellbeing must be primary considerations. We'll just work together on the details, put a general plan in place, and figure the rest out as we go.
Thank you for the advance notice and for sharing this personal confidence - trust that we will guard it with the same degree of trust we hope for and expect from you. We will talk more next week; in the meantime, we will be sending our positive thoughts, prayers, and blessings for you, N, and your family to be!
All our best,
M & D
Wow. To say that I’m blown away is an understatement. My last work family and I had discussed the possibility of my taking time off for IVF and they said they would try to make it work, but the undercurrent/tone was one of non-cooperation. Today at work M came down to talk to me after the girls fell asleep at naptime. She is so happy for me. They are excited and really want this for me. They truly want what is best for me and my family. I suppose I am jaded after how my last job ended, but this is so overwhelming and I’m so grateful at how blessed I am that this seems to all be working out. She reiterated that I don’t need to worry about anything. They will work their schedules around mine no matter what happens. What a HUGE relief. D also is super excited. On his way out the door this morning (after saying goodbye to the kids who were up at the unreasonable hour of 5 AM) he said to me “Congratulations! We can’t wait to hear some good and exciting news in the next couple of months!” I am so happy at this point. I think that I’m swinging way over into the optimistic side of life. Yeah!! I am going to be employed through all of this and have their support!
- 1 appointment around July 13th that will most likely be around 7:30 AM and last approximately 30 minutes.
- Then appointments either every day or every other day (about 5-7 total) approximately 3 weeks after that. These appointments will most likely be around 7:30 AM and last approximately 30-45 minutes. During this time, I would still be available to work but would have to look at slightly altering my schedule (more info below)
- After these appointments, I’ll have to take 2 days off for a surgical procedure (including recovery time) approximately around August 17th.
- 3-5 days after my surgery I’ll need to have approximately 2 weeks off. These are the approximate dates August 20th or 22nd through September 4th. During these weeks I’ll be on a combination of bed rest and lifting restrictions. At the end of the 2 weeks, I will be able to come back to work at my regular hours.
I know this is a lot of time for me to take off. As IVF is not an exact science, the dates are not exact but are estimates of how my Dr’s think I’ll respond to the medications. I could need more or less time off, or the dates may be off a bit. Additionally, the cycle could be cancelled at any point and then started up a cycle or two later.
I appreciate the fact that it is hard to find a good caregiver for your children and that you’ve been down this path before. What I would like to suggest is that for my appointment days I would come in late and then work a bit later, until 5. For the full days that I need off I would like to take them as an unpaid leave of absence. This way, you would be able to hire a temp nanny and not be double paying, and I wouldn’t have to try to make up that lost time.
I understand if you are unable to make this situation work and I will have no hard feelings if this is the end of my employment with you. I will try to make whatever you decide to do work out the best way possible for both of you and of course, the girls.
As this is a private matter, I would appreciate that it is kept private. We have told very few people in our lives and prefer to keep this within a select trusted group at this time. I know this is a huge request and I don’t expect an immediate response. Please talk about it and then hopefully we can sit down and work out all the details.
Sincerely,
E
I anxiously awaited a reply. (I sent this late on Friday night… around 10 or so.) This was their reply that I received Sunday afternoon:
E,
There is no lady more deserving than yourself to bring a child into this world; and no child (including the D sisters) more fortunate to be held in your loving, nurturing arms. We are excited for you and N and will most certainly be sharing our prayers (and perhaps a few nail-biting sessions) with you.
In all honesty, you say you appreciate how hard it is to find a good caregiver as if you have no perception of the magnitude of our admiration and the girls love for you. You are our person - we are your family - it will be our pleasure to return some of the flexibility and good will you have so generously showered upon us. Of course, we are touched by and ever grateful for your continued consideration for our best interests - even during this period when you are surely pummeled by myriad emotions concerning your own situation.
Nay shall we toss you aside like a spark plug or air filter that needs replacing. The positive and lasting impression you have graciously bestowed upon our lives makes your place in our family just that. No worries at all about work schedule or having to try to make up time - your emotional, physical, and spiritual wellbeing must be primary considerations. We'll just work together on the details, put a general plan in place, and figure the rest out as we go.
Thank you for the advance notice and for sharing this personal confidence - trust that we will guard it with the same degree of trust we hope for and expect from you. We will talk more next week; in the meantime, we will be sending our positive thoughts, prayers, and blessings for you, N, and your family to be!
All our best,
M & D
Wow. To say that I’m blown away is an understatement. My last work family and I had discussed the possibility of my taking time off for IVF and they said they would try to make it work, but the undercurrent/tone was one of non-cooperation. Today at work M came down to talk to me after the girls fell asleep at naptime. She is so happy for me. They are excited and really want this for me. They truly want what is best for me and my family. I suppose I am jaded after how my last job ended, but this is so overwhelming and I’m so grateful at how blessed I am that this seems to all be working out. She reiterated that I don’t need to worry about anything. They will work their schedules around mine no matter what happens. What a HUGE relief. D also is super excited. On his way out the door this morning (after saying goodbye to the kids who were up at the unreasonable hour of 5 AM) he said to me “Congratulations! We can’t wait to hear some good and exciting news in the next couple of months!” I am so happy at this point. I think that I’m swinging way over into the optimistic side of life. Yeah!! I am going to be employed through all of this and have their support!
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